To Get Me To You
by paperflowers622
Summary: Juliette's inner monologue in 2x10, before she goes to tell Avery she loves him at his apartment. One shot.


Charlie leaves but I remain, running his final words to me over and over in my head. He said he hoped I could find someone who made me look at the world in a new way, who would open my eyes to possibility.

The most amazing thing is, I already know I've found someone who does that. I would never have believed any of that existed or was a possibility for me, if it wasn't for him - the first person I thought of when I found out I was being invited to join the Opry, and the first person I thought of when Will Lexington told me he wanted to find the person who made him "the best version" of himself. The first person I thought of when Charlie said those words to me just now. The person who was there for me after my utter humiliation tonight, who is the only reason it wasn't a billion times worse.

When did Avery Barkley become the person I think of first when important things, bad things, good things happen to me? When did his blue eyes start haunting me as I fall asleep at night? When did I first begin to crave his approval, his company, his affection? I can't be sure - it just snuck up on me. I definitely didn't plan to let it happen. I finally, finally learned my lesson after Dante – don't be vulnerable to anyone. Don't be a fool again. You can only rely on yourself.

And yet, without my knowledge, without my permission, Avery Barkley won my trust. I must trust him more than anyone else in my life. I told him about me and Charlie, something I couldn't even admit to Glenn, and he never once judged me or held it against me. Instead, he inspired me to take action. He told me I was worth more than that. And I believed him.

He's a great friend. But it's so much more than that. When he looks at me, it's like he can see inside me, and all I want is to show him even more. And I want to see inside him too. I want to know what's going on in that head of his when he just looks at me, a bemused smile on his face. When I make a stupid joke and he actually laughs, my heart swells with pride, and I want to find more ways to make him laugh again. I want to know what his dreams are, I want him to tell me more about how it felt to burn his masters and re-take control of his life. I want to tell him how much I admire him for that.

And I want him to reach over and touch me again, like he did tonight in my dressing room. His touch on my wrist was so gentle, and yet sparks flew up my arm like I was experiencing an electric shock. Like I had never been touched by a man before. In that moment, I had a flashback to the time I kissed him when I was drunk. Instead of feeling embarrassed, it made me want to lean forward and do it again. But he was busy giving me advice about how to handle the press, and then he pulled his hand away, and I still had some business to take care of with the news cameras outside. So I let the moment pass.

Now that it's all over - this festival, Charlie, facing the media - all I want is to resume that conversation with Avery, to tell him just how vital he is to me. I want to tell him how he's made me believe, despite everything, that I can find a person who makes me want to be better, who makes me believe again that love exists. To tell him that I believe I've found that person, that he is that person.

When Charlie first told me he loved me, I scoffed. I didn't believe in love anymore, or so I thought. Then I realized - while I don't believe Charlie really loves me, it's only because he doesn't actually know me. He may think he loves me, he may think he knows me, but he doesn't - not the way Avery knows me, and not the way I know Avery.

When did I fall in love with him? Was it when he was there for me in Alabama, strong and reliable as I tried not to fall apart in the trailer park where I grew up? Was it when he told me exactly what he thought of me at the Wentworth party, and then left me there, wishing I knew how to get him back but unsure of what that meant?

Was it that day he spent at my house, helping me write "Dreams" and telling me I wasn't a throwaway? Was it when he opened up to me about his own dreams and how far he had fallen?

There are so many reasons for me to love Avery Barkley. And I do. Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with him. And I've got to go tell him. Right now.


End file.
